Few exceptionally intelligent people remain high-functioning well into their adult years. The fact that a book is titled “The Curse of the High IQ” points us to the fact that high intelligence is not always well-received in society. Exceptionally high intelligence –that is, of the kind that most people never encounter in their lifetimes– is far more of a rarity, and therefore far more vulnerable to not fitting in. Intellectual differences aside, exceptional intelligence comes with other peculiarities of character and of behavior. Profoundly gifted children are more sensitive, more empathetic, less selfish than others. They perceive themselves as being more mature than most adults (because they generally are), and thus expect to be treated as an adult in many ways.

You might even have observed this without even realizing. When a teacher or caretaker loses their temper even for a brief moment, a highly intelligent child’s behavior might snap. Suddenly, the perfect golden child becomes rebellious and unpleasant in the very presence of the adult. Or perhaps they become withdrawn and no longer listen to said adult, even weeks after the outburst. Whatever their reaction, they can no longer function at a high cognitive level; they can no longer be themselves.

There’s a reason for this behavioral change, and it is based on how the human brain operates. In exceptionally gifted children, the shift in their behavior and personality can be so extreme that they go from functional to dysfunctional.

The Prefrontal Cortex Versus the Limbic System

Exceptionally intelligent children have an overdeveloped prefrontal cortex compared to their peers and to most adults. Their ability to focus on a single task for for long timespans is a sign of intelligence, but also of prefrontal activity. These children are are not tempted by most distractions; they can sometimes spend all morning or all day doing intellectual work (the more complex, the better), and they are generally perceived as having model behaviors. These characteristics are all a sign of a well-developed prefrontal cortex, a sign of advanced cognition. They are most comfortable and most lucid in this calm, intelligent state of mind. Everyone likes them better when they are in that state of mind, too.

Unlike these children, most people have their limbic system permanently activated. They are driven by impulse, by less-than-optimal behaviors. Whenever they get annoyed, they raise their voices, lose their temper, become less lucid than when their minds are cool. To anyone who is profoundly intelligent, this is perceived as irrational behavior, because nobody in their right mind would waste neural power by becoming angry or stressed.

In a child with a limited worldview, an adult’s anger is stressful. Suddenly, the person who has just lost their temper has proven themselves to be unstable, illogical, perhaps even mad. That, in turn, creates a stress response in the child. This stress response activates the limbic system, and inhibits prefrontal cortical activity. That is, they react with stress, and this results in an incapacity to think properly. Suddenly, they are unstable too, whether they become afraid, angry, or offended. This is unpleasant, because it inhibits their higher cognitive capacities. And once their advanced cognition returns, they can become afraid of losing it once more. They may start to fear the impulsive creature that resides within them. And this, in turn, makes it likelier for said impulsive creature to manifest.

The Solution Lies in Equanimity

While most people are incapable of remaining equanimous and they will rationalize and defend their right to having an angry outburst when a child misbehaves, this will only deepen the problem. Unless the child is capable of re-engaging their prefrontal cortex on their own –and few children know enough Tai Chi to do so–, or unless they are naturally equanimous enough to ignore the inefficient irrationality of said adult’s emotion, their brain will become less high-functioning and more limbic with every angry or emotional outburst from anyone in their lives.

Nowadays, even some pediatricians have started to recommend emotional neutrality to parents raising problem toddlers and children. An emotionless attitude to negative behavior seems to reduce and eventually correct said negative behavior in many kids. By encouraging positive behaviors and remaining unemotional in negative behaviors, the child’s limbic system regulates better, and the prefrontal cortex reconnects more easily.

My family has always joked that a smart monkey will act intelligently unless there’s an angry monkey in the same room. In that case, the smart monkey shuts down and stops thinking. There’s truth in this. And science. Us adults should know better than to become angry, stressed, sad, excessively joyful, or otherwise less-than-lucid in front of any child. Emotional stability is the greatest gift anyone can bestow on anyone else. Don’t scold your children or your students; reason with them. Perhaps that way, they can learn better and think better. Model behavior comes from clear thought, not from being scared or resentful.